We all need a measuring stick

Have you ever been pressured to participate in something but you felt really uneasy with it? Like so much so that your guts were churning, your head ached and you felt frozen? One reason could be because it goes against your internal Value system. 

A what?! 

What is a personal value system

A personal value system helps us navigate difficult situations and guide us toward decisions or responses that align with who we are. Values, morals, or what's important to us, are ever present. It also directs us to the people we invite into our lives and how we treat others. 

For example, you get a call from someone you used to be friends with and they want to rekindle the friendship. You're torn because although you feel compassion for the person as they were often the butt of many jokes you also recall feeling very uncomfortable around them and how they treated others. What do you do? 

You go back to examine your values. If we tease out some key points from this example above we see that you value comfort and trust in relationships while also hold compassion for others at great value. These seem to be in contradiction though. So now what? Now we place them in a hierarchy. Which is more important and which will lead to greater satisfaction for you. 

A personal value system takes time and experience to develop. It's not something that pops up overnight. Rather we adopt or adjust some that we inherited from our childhood, we develop others because of our social circles or spiritual practices. Still others are formed from past experiences, whether those experiences be positive or negative. Main categories of value systems are also present in the #4pillarsofwellness that I discuss with my clients-- relationships, spirituality, physical health, and profession. 

Each day we demonstrate our personal value system to the world. It colors every decision we make, and it's present in each action we take. Are we confident in our value system? Since we as individuals are not islands, what we do, what we say, has impact upon those around us. The more we live true to our personal values, the greater the impact we have on our moods, decision-making, and surroundings.

So now whose thinking, "how do I identify my value system?" 🙋🏻‍♀️ Good!

So here's some tips to get started:

1. Write a list of everything you value. Consider characteristics or qualities of persons. Even list material things or experiences

2. Group like things together. For example, you may have listed trustworthy, sincere and committed. These could be grouped together into a category of steadfast/ loyal. Another way to categorize them is by what is important in yourself and what's important you see in others.

3. Place them in rank order of importance. What is the most important value to you? Second most? Etc. by creating a ranking it assists you as you measure all future situations against this criteria.

4. Understand that value systems are not static, in fact the more static they are the greater the chance that we can harm or limit ourselves. Be open to adjust your values based upon evidence not emotion.

For more information about personal value systems, check out this article. If you find you need more assistance, reach out and ask for help!