A review of the theater production, Label-Less from the perspective of a mental health therapist. TLDR: powerful!
New year, new perspective
Here we are, 5 days into 2023…how’s it going? Did you set resolutions, goals, or intentions? Are you still going to the gym or are you craving cookies yet; they are hard to resist! If you are still working on finalizing your goals for 2023 (you’re not alone in that!) let me encourage you to incorporate the 4 pillars of wellness (physical health - sex + relationships - spirituality - career + education). Here are some prompts to consider.
Physical Health
Improve flexibility.
Get tested for food sensitivities that cause inflammation.
Consider taking supplements to support physical and mental health (e.g. omega’s, magnesium, turmeric).
Replace worn out fitness equipment (e.g. worn shoes, tired exercise bands, the rotting bike tires).
Sex + relationships
Establish or deepen communication with partner(s) about what turns you on and off sexually.
Review the values of you as individuals and as partners to see how the align.
Experiment with some kink play (e.g. light bondage, toys, role playing).
Create open and ongoing dialogue about non-sexual intimacy satisfaction in all your relationships.
Restore, create, or amend boundaries.
Spirituality
Build routines that feed your soul.
Volunteer, meditate, pray, journal.
Get outside. Move, get sunshine.
Call elders that you respect and learn from them.
Career + Education
Build intentionality in performance goals, whether they are measured by your employer or you.
Read some books for pleasure.
Learn a new skill or hobby, take a class at the local community college or education center. (Urban gardening anyone?).
Reflect on your career goals from 5th grade and where you are now. How did you get there? What’s different? What lessons can you pass onto others?
Looking ahead
I’ve been known to use cars as analogies when working with clients. Here’s another one. When we keep looking to the past we are looking in the rearview mirror. It’s small, it can be deceiving, and offers a limited view of what’s now behind us. But when we look to the future, through the windshield, we have a greater view of what’s ahead. We can maneuver our way through roadblocks, avoid construction zones, and enjoy the scenery along the way.
The same perspective applies to our wellness. When we keep looking backwards we may miss what’s in front of us. I encourage you continue looking ahead as you embrace your total wellness in 2023!
Be Well.
Sarah B.
Using the nervous system to heal
Every one has the same basic outline of the autonomic nervous system (ANS), with sympathetic and parasympathetic, that helps us respond to danger or threats; unfortunately the ANS can be overstimulated from traumatic events or experiences, creating a lasting pattern of over responding to innocuous situations. Ever hear of the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk? (if you haven’t, i highly recommend reading it!) There are other researchers and books that have studied the impact of lived experiences on our ANS responses such as Stephen Porges with Polyvagal Theory, and Francine Shapiro with EMDR.
I’m not an expert in all those models, nor am I a neuroscientist. But I do know is this; without retraining our responses, we can stay in a state of over activation causing a hurtful impact to our mental, emotional, and physical wellness.
Basics of the ANS
THe ANS is divided into two sections; the sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic system controls our heart rate, breathing, muscle activation. This system is triggered when there is a imminent danger or stressful event. This is that fight or flight response. People often describe feeling their heart pounding, maybe get a little sweaty, their breathing becomes faster and more shallow. People may experience some fidgetiness or restlessness. All these is the body’s way of preparing for action to respond to the danger or stress.
The parasympathetic system is linked to a state or stillness, often referred to freeze or called rest and digest. If the sympathetic system is the upper torso (heart and lungs) then the parasympathetic system is the lower torso (diaphragm and digestion). People describe feelings of heaviness, low energy, stiffness or inability to move quickly. These two systems work hand in hand to help us respond to danger or stress.
Rewire your ANS
In order to find some relief from over activation of the ANS, one must become familiar with their unique cues and triggering factors. Working with a therapist, the individual will uncover some of the past and/or current experiences and triggering moments that elicit an ANS response that may be unnecessary or exaggerated. This exercise can take weeks to uncover and requires patience from the client and the therapist. There are many ways to go about uncovering these cues and triggers; traditional talk therapy, hypnosis, brain scans to name a few.
The goal is to find a way to rewire the brain and ANS to these moments, allowing the connection between the body and the mind to be reconfigured. Not quite rewriting the history, but rewiring or retraining the body to respond in a way that is more aligned with core experiences of safety and connectedness. Techniques such as polyvagal theory, EMDR, brain-spotting, are highly successful in providing client with new ways to respond to past experience and future life events.
Be Well.
Conflict of Internal Systems
Choosing a Therapist: Red + Green Flags
As a therapist it is easy for me to share with you how to select the right therapist for your needs. However, when i went through the process myself, i was able to experience the process from a client’s perspective. I firmly believe that every therapist needs their own therapist. Regardless of who you are, the supportive people in your life, it’s so rewarding to have a truly objective person in your corner. If you have a current therapist, are looking for one, or helping someone else with finding one, read on for some tips in choosing a therapist.
Just as you would watch for red flags and green flags in a relationship, friendship or business partner, you can look for signs in a therapist. The flags listed below may not apply to everyone, so take what you need.
Red Flags
Unreliable. A therapist that is unreliable can make it difficult for you to find appointments consistently. The unreliability may also lead to poor follow up of services.
Insincere or Judgmental. One of the reasons you want to see an objective person is to avoid judgments from others. Being able to freely voice what you are thinking and feeling is essential to building rapport and feelings of safety within the therapeutic process.
Talks about themselves too much. A therapist may occasionally share some minor details about their lives with you during a session. But the rule of thumb is that it mustn’t derail the focus from the client to the therapist. Too much self disclosure means that they are either shifting their relationship to you from professional to personal, or they have poor boundaries.
Other red flags include: makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe; engages in unethical behaviors; shares information about other clients with you; overly focused on billing/financials; imposing their values onto you; telling you what to do (therapy is not advice giving). If any one of these red flags show up, and you feel safe and comfortable to do so, bring it up to the therapist. Ask to speak to their supervisor. File a complaint with their licensing board. Do not feel obligated to return to therapy if you feel unsafe working with them.
Green Flags
Attentive and Attuned. A therapist’s role is to pay attention and listen; a.k.a. be an active listener. Listening to the words, the tone, the timber, the body language, the emotion expressed. All these are ways that the therapist should be engaging with you. You should feel ‘heard’ and safe in the sessions. Sometimes though a therapist may be distracted; it happens because we are human too. If your therapist reflects on something incorrectly, speak up and correct it.
Have skills that meet your needs. There are three kinds of therapists. The kind that niche down into working with clients on a specific need (e.g., sex therapy), the kind that are generalists and work briefly with all need areas, and the kind that say they are experts in everything. A great therapist is the first two kinds. You don’t necessarily need a specialized therapist for your needs. But if they are accessible to you, you may want to check them out as an option. Steer clear of the “expert in all” kinds of therapist.
Use evidence based techniques. Every therapist has learned in school a variety of interventions and modalities to help their clients. Some common ones include CBT, EFT, EMDR, Solution focused. If this is your first foray into therapy, you may want to read up on the techniques and see which feels right for you; talk to friends about their experiences. If you are more experienced in therapy, using a keyword of what is effective for you, say CBT, can help when searching.
More Green Flags
Other green flags to look for include: they want therapy to end because you have worked through the initial concern, not because they want to keep their caseload flush; they work with you on goals because they want what’s best for you; they are a strong communicator; they educate themselves continuously; they earn your trust; and they challenge you- respectfully- so that you begin to see a change in yourself.
When looking for a therapist, personal preference is important. Know what you are looking for, do some research. The biggest practice in town may not be your best ally for your needs; small solo practices are very powerful. Always ask for a free consultation; this is your chance to interview the therapist and make sure you like them. Ask questions, be clear that their values or mission statement aligns with your goals and values. Take the time to find the right one at the start, and you’’ll find your best match.
Be Well.
