Recently I shared a IG reel on how the feelings of conflict - anger, anxiety, fear, dread - can be because there is a conflict of systems occurring within us. These systems of beliefs and values drive our everyday decisions. They are the internal pieces of our mind that influence the choices we make, the actions we take and the words we spake. When urges, cravings, trauma responses or emergencies occur it puts our systems to the test. Thus creating conflict.
Values systems
Values are the things we hold as important. Values are the principles that guide our lives. They can be based in spirituality or religion. They can be developed through culture or tradition. They can be indoctrinated or adopted. They can be with or against social norms. Whatever and wherever they came, they are what drive you to choose and act. They infuensce our goals and motives.
Belief systems
Belief systems are a close relative to value systems. They can also be base in spirituality or religion, culture or tradition, and can be with or against social norms. The difference is that beliefs spark us through injustices, loss, greed, anger, trauma, etc. Beliefs create cognitive pathways that feed our urges, addictions, misconduct, or compulsions.
When systems collide
When we have habits, or cognitive pathways that have run deep, driving us to engage is addictive or hurtful behaviors (e.g., porn addiction, substance abuse, self defeating thoughts) we default to those behaviors. During early recovery, burgeoning self compassion and action stages, these old habits come face to face with our values systems. Value systems that were shoved into the back of the closet because our urges were greater. "Just once" and "i can control myself" become routine self talk justifications.
When the systems collide it is an indication that you are ready for change. You are actively pulling out and examining those values you previously put aside so you could reap temporary pleasure. Take heed of the systems collision and corresponding feelings, take note of the situations that elicited these responses. Take heart that you are opening yourself to healing and recovery. The marathon is afoot, not the sprint race. You got this.
Be well.
