4 themes in treating porn addiction

Exactly what is involved in treating my porn addiction?

You think you have a porn addiction, or someone you love has told you that you need to get treatment for your porn use. If you are questioning what a porn addiction is or how to determine if you have one, take a look at this previous blog. Or consider this very brief description: If you find that you have a loss of control, tried and failed to stop, lose track of time when engaging in porn use, and continue use despite consequences, you may be have compulsory or addictive porn use.

Yep, that fits

If those factors mentioned above sound familiar then the next step is to decide if you want to stop. Very few people can say they have been successful at stopping a behavior when forced to do so. Even in the most strict environments people still must choose to change. Change takes courage, resources, knowledge and support.

Once you decide to reach out for help there are some components that are essential in effective porn addiction treatment. Let’s take a look.

4 Main Components

technology

Most porn use is accessed through the internet. In fact according to recent statistics, every second:

• 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet.

• $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet.

Since pornography is so accessible online, whether at home or work, keeping your internet browsing secure is one way to limit the access to factors that can trigger you. There are multiple apps or programs available to install on your computer/devices that help block, interrupt or report your access and time on pornography sites. Enlisting the help of a loved one is another way to help you.

support

Whether your support system comes from a family member, friend or community they are each an integral piece of building and sustaining recovery. However what some don’t consider is inviting someone into your support system needs to know all those nitty-gritty details of your behavior. Disclosure to a support person is different from disclosure to an intimate partner (something for another blog).

Support persons are ideal when they have characteristics that demand accountability and honesty from the addict. When considering whom could be a support person, consider these factors:

• Accessibility: are they available to you when you need them?

• Accountability: will they hold you responsible for your behaviors or let some slide?

• Openness: will they be honest with you about their own experience and/or limitations when supporting you? Will they be aware of their own opinions and help you develop healthy strategies for you?

• Commitment: will they be there for the whole journey?

A support person may even be someone from the local sex addicts anonymous (SAA) or sex and love addicts anonymous (SLAA) groups.

Abstinence

One of the core guidelines when participating in recovery from porn addiction is abstinence. Abstinence is about purposefully and deliberately choosing not to engage in an action or practice that is wanted or desired. A secondary behavior that coincides with porn addiction is masturbation. Therefore abstinence is creating a ‘clean slate’ behaviorally that includes active steps to cease porn use and masturbation. Many addicts fear that this is a lifetime requirement for sustainable recovery but the bottom line is that a recovery success plan is created in collaboration with your therapist that is uniquely healthy for you.

As hard as it may be to accept or practice, abstinence from the behavior is the most direct route to beginning recovery. A part of recovery is to uncover how your behavior was initially triggered and became the addiction that it is today. Creating emergency plans or behavioral intercessions when those urges arise, is a key conversation with your therapist (and or support person) when starting recovery.

Environmental Cues

Managing your environment and triggers is part of recovery, part of your success. When addiction has its grip on you, it’s hard to be fully aware of the triggers or environmental cues that are increasing your urge to use the porn. Uncovering those environmental cues is essential in creating a safe space for you.

What are environmental cues? These are the sights, sounds, smells and sensations that are present when we engage in a certain behavior. For example, each evening after work you routinely sit in your comfy chair at home, pull a fuzzy blanket over you, grab the remote and sip some wine. Each time you do, these actions are intricately linked in your brain. But then you decide that you want to cut back on your alcohol consumption. The next time you sit in that chair, pull up the fuzzy blanket and grab the remote, you’ll be reaching for that glass of wine that isn’t there. The same idea applies to porn addition. You have created a connection that when you see, smell, hear and feel something, your brain inevitably tells you to start looking at porn.

Working with a therapist, you can dissect the linked behaviors, or rituals, that coincide with your porn use. Then begin to remove and replace those behaviors with something more aligned with your treatment goals.

Now what?

The first step towards recovery is to admit that you are not in control of your porn use; instead, it controls you. Working towards recovery is a marathon, not a race. Reread the sections above and see what changes you can make in your life now. Even one change will make a difference. And that one change can foster hope for more changes to be made. Finally, remember you are not alone in this journey. Finding support through local recovery groups and a therapist specializing in porn, sex and love addiction is essential for your sustained sexual wellness. Be Well.

Let’s talk about sex , baby! Lets talk about sex (addiction)!

Sex is a natural human activity, a way to express love and connection. Sex can be fun solo or with partner(s), so how can it be a problem? For many, sex can become an addiction. While there are many points on the continuum to discussing sex, for our purposes we will focus on addiction to sex. 

Then what is sex addiction?

Addiction is a common term; one often overused and over simplified. In fact people make flippant remarks about being ‘addicted to’ tv shows, a specific drink or roller coasters for example. This generalizing can diminish the seriousness of addiction to those that are truly trapped in its grips. The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) looks at the “interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences” to assist in identifying when a person has an addiction. They go on to say that addiction can be of substances or behaviors. 

Also referred to as a compulsion, being hypersexual or having out-of-control sexual behaviors, sex addiction is one of the core treatments at the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). They have defined sex addiction as “a pathological relationship to a mood altering experience (sex) that the individual continues to engage in despite adverse consequences.” That can be a complex definition so let’s break it down into every day language. 

• Pathological refers to the abnormal connection between the cause (addictive behavior) and effect (consequences) of a condition on a persons physical and psychological health. 

• Mood altering is the ability of a substance, activity or object to change moods. 

• Adverse consequences are unwanted, unhealthy, or unsafe outcomes due to engaging in the behavior. Arrest, physical injury, loss of employment are examples of adverse consequences to any number of addictions.  

Addiction treatment professionals follow common rules related to the identification of addiction. As a therapist it’s important to distinguish between a clinical diagnosis or a behavioral observation; depending on the experience and licensure of the therapist some are able to provide a clinical diagnosis like those found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) or the International Statistical Classification of diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD). 

Sex addiction can include behaviors such as: voyeurism (e.g. peeping toms), exhibitionism (e.g. flashers), frequent anonymous sex, paying for sex (e.g. engaging in prostitution), and pornography use, including role play, cosplay, amateur, type of sexual positions, etc.  

I like sex, a lot! Does that mean I’m addicted to sex? 

Absolutely not! Sex brings with it innumerable benefits, including enjoyment, connection, confidence and procreation.  That fact that you enjoy sex, makes it that much more pleasurable! Sex as a addiction is when the individual has lost much of the pleasure and intimacy of the act and is focused more on meeting their cravings or urges (remember that pathological relationship mentioned above). 

Just as in identifying other addictions, such as substance, gambling, or nicotine, there are criteria that must be met. Some of those criteria include:

• Loss of control—engaging in the compulsive behavior more than you intended to

• Efforts to stop—repeated attempts to stop the compulsive behavior without success

• Loss of time—significant amounts of time is spent getting ready, engaging or recovering from engaging in the behavior. 

• Continue despite consequences—even though the individual may experience adverse consequences, they continue to engage in the compulsive behavior

Please note that this is not a comprehensive nor conclusive indication that someone is addicted to a substance or behavior. You are encouraged to  speak with a licensed therapist if you are concerned about your own or someone else’s behaviors.

Now what? Is there treatment available? 

Treatment does exist for someone with sex, porn or love addiction. It’s important that the therapist you work with has experience helping those in sex addiction but it’s not essential that the therapist have a certification in sex addiction. Consider it an added Sarah at Total Wellness 365 is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Candidate through IITAP. Prior to getting her certification she has worked with those in addiction for over 10 years.

Therapist working with sex addiction clients will help them develop a clear understanding of their specific addiction cycle. Then teach skills to interrupt the cycle by creating a plan to incorporate healthy replacement behaviors, reducing risk and increasing wellness as a new lifestyle. Recovery is takes time; it also takes hard work, patience and support. If you or someone you know are interested in learning more about this subject, here are some additional resources. If you are interested in finding a sex addiction therapist, you can search here.