Valentine’s Day has a way of amplifying things.
If you feel secure, it can feel sweet.
If you feel disconnected, it can feel unbearable.
If you feel ambivalent, it can feel confusing.
If you feel nothing at all, it can feel like something must be wrong.
Let’s be clear: Valentine’s Day doesn’t create relational problems. It exposes them.
That doesn’t make you broken.
It makes today informative.
The Myth of the “Right” Valentine’s Day
Culturally, we’re taught there’s a correct emotional response to this day.
Grateful. Desired. Celebrated. Romantic.
But real relationships don’t operate on a calendar.
They operate on patterns.
You can be partnered and lonely.
You can be single and deeply connected.
You can be loved and still unmet.
You can be chosen and still unsafe.
Valentine’s Day tends to highlight the gap between expectation and reality—not because love is failing, but because fantasy is loud.
Romance as a Stress Test
For many couples, Valentine’s Day becomes a proxy conversation.
Instead of naming needs directly, we wait:
Will they remember?
Will they initiate?
Will they “know” what matters to me?
Disappointment then becomes evidence—not information.
This is where relational patterns show themselves:
Avoidance shows up as indifference or dismissal
Anxiety shows up as pressure, comparison, or over-interpretation
Disconnection shows up as gestures without presence
None of this means the relationship is doomed.
It means the relationship is speaking.
From Being Chosen to Being Practiced
One of the most damaging ideas tied to Valentine’s Day is that love is proven by being picked.
But healthy relationships aren’t sustained by selection.
They’re sustained by participation.
Not: “Do you love me enough?”
But:
Can we talk about what isn’t working without collapsing?
Can we repair after misattunement?
Can we tolerate difference without turning it into threat?
Can we stay engaged when it would be easier to withdraw?
Romance asks for reassurance.
Relationships ask for responsibility.
If Today Feels Heavy
Instead of asking what today should look like, consider asking:
What does this reaction tell me about my needs?
What am I expecting romance to fix that actually requires communication?
Where do I avoid naming disappointment and call it independence?
What would relational honesty look like—today, not someday?
These aren’t questions meant to ruin the day.
They’re meant to return agency to you.
A Reclaim
Valentine’s Day doesn’t define your relational health.
It reflects your relational patterns.
And patterns—unlike holidays—are changeable.
Whether today is joyful, neutral, painful, or quietly ignored:
You are not behind.
You are not failing.
You are not doing relationships “wrong.”
You’re learning how connection actually works.
And that work doesn’t end tonight.
It continues tomorrow—when the flowers fade and the real relationship resumes.
Be Well.
Sarah
P.S. If today stirred something—resistance, grief, longing, or clarity—let that information matter.
Relationships change when we listen to what they’re revealing, not when we rush to override it.
