Top 5 Boundaries for Your Total Wellness

Boundaries— a common topic within therapy sessions, conversations, blog posts and social media. Let’s just start with a working definition of boundaries though. According to the dictionary, boundaries are lines that mark the limits to an area; a limit to a subject of sphere. A psychological definition is similar but it is applied personally. They are limits set on how we respond, act, engage with other people, and how they respond, act and engage with us. Boundaries typically originate from our experiences and observations, both past and present. We can look at boundary setting in two ways; as fences and gates.

Fences + Gates

Have you ever had an unproductive conversation with a coworker? You may have to set a new boundary to have conversations in person rather than email.

Ever leave a family gathering feeling emotional drained? You may have to create a boundary that you’re unwilling to be the listening ear for others while sacrificing your fun.

Ever feel like you’re lost your connection to friends? Maybe the boundary is to open your calendar to say ‘yes’ more.

Boundaries can be like fences, limiting others’ access to us and our energy. Or they can be like gates, where we allow a controlled amount of access to ourselves and our energy. Boundaries can be set in any relationship—intimate partners, friends, family, professional—and are malleable. We can establish or reestablish them based on our current life experiences and observations.

Top 5 boundaries for your total wellness

Here are the top 5 categories of boundaries commonly discussed in therapy:

1. Relationships. Labeling or defining the relationship, sexuality and intimacy.

2. Time. Saying yes when you mean no. Being expected to participate or help despite not being consulted on your availability.

3. Being the fixer/savior. If you are always being asked to problem solve for others, you may be their savior. jack of all trades types that everyone relies on.

4. Your body. What you wear, how you look, comment from others, etc

5. Family. Presence and participation in family activities, traditions and values that no longer align with yours.

Any ring a bell for you? Setting boundaries in these areas can be hard if we’ve not felt the need or even opened our mind to the benefits they bring. To get started, evaluate recent situations where you felt uneasy or unsatisfied. What contributed to that feeling? Look back to text messages, social media posts, or even screen shots, and memes you sent around that same time. These can be hints to what we were feeling/thinking during that situation.

As Brene Brown states, “Daring to set boundaries is about loving ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” The more clarity and certainty you have about your boundaries, the more consistent you will be enforcing your them with others.

Be Well!

In like a lamb, out like a lion!

Did I getcha? Yep that's not the true version of the adage. The old saying applied to the month of March--'in like lion, out like a lamb'-- talks about the changes that are going to occur. The change in weather patterns from bitter cold to warmer daytime; the buds on trees and the tulips and daffodils pushing through the cold dirt. Spring is in the air during March! People start to open the windows, dust off the garden tools and head outside.

I think the same philosophy should apply to us too. Those of us in the cold climates tend to do some hibernation. So when the seasons change, we should change with it.  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a real thing folks but not all of us have it. Some of the criteria for include low energy, feelings of depression, sluggish and low motivation, loss of interest in activities, difficulty sleeping, weight gain, overeating....The list goes on. How many of you through, hey i have those symptoms! Well, to be truly diagnosed with SAD these symptoms, which mirror those of clinical Major depression, must occur during specific seasons for at least 2 years. Yep, 2 years time of documented symptoms. 

Some of us actually have a lesser degree of these symptoms and therefore would not meet the criteria for SAD. That doesn't mean that you don't need a boost during those winter months. And now is your chance! Here are some tips to incorporate now with the season changing: 

• Get outside! sunshine does the body and the brain good! not just the movement or walking around, but the fresh air and the sunshine help the body heal and blows off the cobwebs. Specifically, exposure to natural sunlight (or even from a lightbox) can increase the amount of serotonin in the brain, stabilizing mood and sleep patterns. 

• Talk to someone! finding someone to talk to on a set schedule will at minimum increase your mood for a part of the day. Talking with a mental health professional can also be advantageous because you can learn your unique triggers and how to overcome them. 

• Eat right! There is a definite connect between the foods we eat and how it effects of moods. Eating processed, high sugar, foods during the colder months increases our need to continue to eat them (sugar is addictive!) and increases the impact of energy and depression. 

Take advantage now of the warm days and sunshine. Implement the aforementioned tips and pay attention to how they work for you. Then jot those down to remember for Fall/Winter of 2018. Lastly, if you want additional help with learning how your foods impact your moods, and the balance of healthy lifestyle choices to beat the winter blues, then check out my Wellness 365 program. We will work together over a series of individual sessions so you can achieve Total Wellness 365 days a year!

Then you can truly end the month of March like a Lion! ROAR!!