One of the concepts I talk about often in therapy is dialectics — a fancy word that simply means two seemingly opposite things can both be true.

You might already experience this without realizing it.
Maybe you’ve thought, “I love my partner, but I’m also frustrated with them.”
Or “I want to change, but I also want to stay comfortable where I am.”

Both of those statements hold truth. That’s the essence of dialectical thinking — shifting from an either/or mindset to a both/and perspective.

This way of thinking comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), created by Dr. Marsha Linehan. But beyond the therapy world, dialectics is really about balance — finding the middle ground between extremes so we can respond to life with more flexibility and compassion.

Why Dialectics Matter

Many of us fall into patterns of black-and-white thinking.
We tell ourselves things like:

“If I can’t do it perfectly, I’ve failed.”
“Either they care about me completely or they don’t care at all.”
“I’m strong or I’m weak.”

Sound familiar? When we think in extremes, we leave no room for nuance — and that can make us feel stuck or defeated.

Dialectical thinking invites us to hold more than one truth at once.
Instead of “I’m strong or I’m weak,” we might say,
“I’m strong and I have moments of struggle.”
Instead of “I failed,” we might reframe it as,
“I didn’t meet my goal this time, and I’m learning from it.”

That one small shift from either/or to both/and can change the way we relate to ourselves and others. It helps us move out of judgment and into understanding.

The Balance Between Acceptance and Change

In therapy, one of the most meaningful dialectics I work with is the balance between acceptance and change.

You can accept yourself exactly as you are and still want to grow.
These two truths can exist together — and they actually need each other.

If we only focus on acceptance, we risk becoming stagnant.
If we only focus on change, we can lose compassion for ourselves.
But when we balance both — self-acceptance and the drive to evolve — we move forward in a way that’s kind and sustainable.

Practicing Dialectical Thinking

Here are a few simple ways you can start using dialectics in your daily life:

Notice extreme thoughts.
Pay attention to words like “always,” “never,” or “completely.” These are often clues that your thinking might be too rigid.
Replace “but” with “and.”
Try saying, “I’m doing my best, and I still have more to learn,” instead of, “I’m doing my best, but it’s not enough.”
That small word change can completely shift the tone of self-talk.
Allow space for multiple emotions.
You can love someone and be angry with them.
You can feel grateful and exhausted.
You can feel hopeful and scared.
These feelings don’t cancel each other out — they coexist because you’re human.
Remember: balance is fluid.
You won’t always feel centered — and that’s okay. Balance is something we move toward, not something we hold perfectly.

A Final Thought

Dialectics remind us that life is full of complexity, and that’s part of what makes it beautiful.
The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict or contradiction, but to hold both sides with compassion and curiosity.

So the next time you find yourself pulled between two truths, try pausing and saying to yourself:
Both can be true. And I can hold both.

That’s where real balance begins.