Social Synergy

As humans, we are social beings. We want to belong to a group; connect with others. Let’s take a closer look at two constructs of being social; social connection and social support.

what’s the difference?

Social connection and social support play immensely significant roles in enhancing human well-being, leading to a more satisfying and joyful existence. Social connection entails the profound sense of belonging and integration within a community or network of people. It encompasses the establishment of meaningful bonds with friends, family, colleagues, or even casual acquaintances, fostering a deep-seated feeling of belonging and the sharing of life's valuable moments.

Conversely, social support manifests as the invaluable provision of both practical and emotional aid, offered and received, specifically during times of adversity. It encompasses the sure availability of essential resources, encompassing compassionate advice, empathy, and genuine assistance from those we hold dear.

The Synergy

The synergistic presence of social connection and social support serves as a paramount factor in nurturing our mental and emotional well-being. The recipient has the gift of an encompassing sense of acceptance, affection, and unwavering encouragement.

The crux is that we need them both in our lives. Relationships, close or peripheral, provide us the means to met our needs and contribute to the continuation of cultural and social constructs. Our need for support will wax and wane through life’s circumstances. We can give and receive support as needed.

It’s important to note that connection and support are given and received uniquely for each individual. The variety, frequency, duration, and intensity of this synergistic presence is as prolific as there are individuals. Discovering what you want or need from these roles takes time, exposure to the variety, and patience in understanding yourself. Likewise, what we can offer others, whether through connection or support, is also largely dependent upon our ability and interest to proffer the synergy to our circle.

Social synergy is about meeting our needs, whether they are innate needs for belonging and fellowship, or psychological and emotional bonding through shared experiences. In the end, it affords total wellness.

Be Well.

New year, new perspective

Here we are, 5 days into 2023…how’s it going? Did you set resolutions, goals, or intentions? Are you still going to the gym or are you craving cookies yet; they are hard to resist! If you are still working on finalizing your goals for 2023 (you’re not alone in that!) let me encourage you to incorporate the 4 pillars of wellness (physical health - sex + relationships - spirituality - career + education). Here are some prompts to consider.

Physical Health

• Improve flexibility.

• Get tested for food sensitivities that cause inflammation.

• Consider taking supplements to support physical and mental health (e.g. omega’s, magnesium, turmeric).

• Replace worn out fitness equipment (e.g. worn shoes, tired exercise bands, the rotting bike tires).

Sex + relationships

• Establish or deepen communication with partner(s) about what turns you on and off sexually.

• Review the values of you as individuals and as partners to see how the align.

• Experiment with some kink play (e.g. light bondage, toys, role playing).

• Create open and ongoing dialogue about non-sexual intimacy satisfaction in all your relationships.

• Restore, create, or amend boundaries.

Spirituality

• Build routines that feed your soul.

• Volunteer, meditate, pray, journal.

• Get outside. Move, get sunshine.

• Call elders that you respect and learn from them.

Career + Education

• Build intentionality in performance goals, whether they are measured by your employer or you.

• Read some books for pleasure.

• Learn a new skill or hobby, take a class at the local community college or education center. (Urban gardening anyone?).

• Reflect on your career goals from 5th grade and where you are now. How did you get there? What’s different? What lessons can you pass onto others?

Looking ahead

I’ve been known to use cars as analogies when working with clients. Here’s another one. When we keep looking to the past we are looking in the rearview mirror. It’s small, it can be deceiving, and offers a limited view of what’s now behind us. But when we look to the future, through the windshield, we have a greater view of what’s ahead. We can maneuver our way through roadblocks, avoid construction zones, and enjoy the scenery along the way.

The same perspective applies to our wellness. When we keep looking backwards we may miss what’s in front of us. I encourage you continue looking ahead as you embrace your total wellness in 2023!

Be Well.

Sarah B.

Using the nervous system to heal

Every one has the same basic outline of the autonomic nervous system (ANS), with sympathetic and parasympathetic, that helps us respond to danger or threats; unfortunately the ANS can be overstimulated from traumatic events or experiences, creating a lasting pattern of over responding to innocuous situations. Ever hear of the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk? (if you haven’t, i highly recommend reading it!) There are other researchers and books that have studied the impact of lived experiences on our ANS responses such as Stephen Porges with Polyvagal Theory, and Francine Shapiro with EMDR.

I’m not an expert in all those models, nor am I a neuroscientist. But I do know is this; without retraining our responses, we can stay in a state of over activation causing a hurtful impact to our mental, emotional, and physical wellness.

Basics of the ANS

THe ANS is divided into two sections; the sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic system controls our heart rate, breathing, muscle activation. This system is triggered when there is a imminent danger or stressful event. This is that fight or flight response. People often describe feeling their heart pounding, maybe get a little sweaty, their breathing becomes faster and more shallow. People may experience some fidgetiness or restlessness. All these is the body’s way of preparing for action to respond to the danger or stress.

The parasympathetic system is linked to a state or stillness, often referred to freeze or called rest and digest. If the sympathetic system is the upper torso (heart and lungs) then the parasympathetic system is the lower torso (diaphragm and digestion). People describe feelings of heaviness, low energy, stiffness or inability to move quickly. These two systems work hand in hand to help us respond to danger or stress.

Rewire your ANS

In order to find some relief from over activation of the ANS, one must become familiar with their unique cues and triggering factors. Working with a therapist, the individual will uncover some of the past and/or current experiences and triggering moments that elicit an ANS response that may be unnecessary or exaggerated. This exercise can take weeks to uncover and requires patience from the client and the therapist. There are many ways to go about uncovering these cues and triggers; traditional talk therapy, hypnosis, brain scans to name a few.

The goal is to find a way to rewire the brain and ANS to these moments, allowing the connection between the body and the mind to be reconfigured. Not quite rewriting the history, but rewiring or retraining the body to respond in a way that is more aligned with core experiences of safety and connectedness. Techniques such as polyvagal theory, EMDR, brain-spotting, are highly successful in providing client with new ways to respond to past experience and future life events.

Be Well.